Why You Wanna Give Me The Run Around?

So a ghoul, a mutant, and a mute chick walk into a toxic gas.

Stop me if you heard this.

BECAUSE IT IS MY HELL.

Ugly Ass Old Dude (aka Father Elijah) has sent me out to find a three other assholes that he's strapped these collars to. I don't know why I get to be the seeker here and everyone else gets to sit in one spot and do nothing. Why can't I find a pleasant spot to relax and wait for someone to come to me? No, no, that would be too easy.

I first head towards a super mutant who is in a room just littered with deadly radios. Run in, shut one off, run back out. HUFF HUFF HUFF.

Run in, shut one off, run back out. HUFF HUFF HUFF.

WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I DOING.

I finally get this mutant dude out of this jail cell he's in. First his name was God, then it was Dog because he apparently has split personalities. Neither of which care to shut up ever.

I take Dog out and we start heading towards the next person. We come across a ghost thing and after killing it, Dog hunches over it and goes to town like it's an Old Country Buffet. What the...dude...that's uhhh

*whiskey time*

Dog turns and looks back at me. He's ready to go again. Uh. Uh huh.

I see a clinic and dart towards it excitedly. Oh god there might be stimpaks or...or stimpaks. God I need some stimpaks. I can't find a bed to sleep in. Every bed I try it tells me I can't wait there. I just...I'm so tired. And hungover. And I need a bed. Uuuuugh.

I work my way through these goddamn dark ass red clouded, trap-infested streets until I reach the clinic. Inside I find a few stimpaks and then realize that the next buddy is supposed to be in here. And I find her. Inside an Autodoc. She's got cuts all over her face and neck and can only seem to communicate via gestures.

Wait wait wait. YOU'RE MUTE?

You won't be talking at me constantly?

If you could just get me booze, you would be my new best friend.

I send her to wait at the fountain and decide I might as well head for dude numero threesome.

I finally find the guy, who is a ghoul that refuses to talk to me until I sit on this chair next to him. I take a seat and he tells me that if I move without his permission, the chair is rigged to explode.

FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE.

HEY! You know what I fucking needed! More threats to my goddamn fucking livelihood. Listen you stupid ghoul fucker. We got explosive collars on our fucking necks and if you got any fucking interest in staying alive, you will haul your lame ass fucking ghoul body out of this shitty little room and do this dumbass thing with me. No I don't want to do it either. BUT WE'RE FUCKING STUCK WITH THIS OKAY. And if you would rather die THEN I WILL DO IT NOW WITH MY BARE FUCKING HANDS AFTER I FINISH ALL THE BOOZE ON MY PERSON. I AM NOT DYING WITH ALCOHOL LEFT TO DRINK.

Well, the ghoul saw my point of view and headed back there. I met him and Mutey McNoSpeak back there with Dog still following me around.

All right, Angry Head Guy what you want now?

Now...now I need to take each person to a DIFFERENT place.

. . .

So. So go get all these people. Bring them back here. Now? Now take each person. Move them somewhere else?



There is not enough alcohol in the goddamn WORLD.